Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Be still, my beating vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
