Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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