Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
