That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
