Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
