I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
