Kiss
Puke
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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