I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
