You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
