apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
