OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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