So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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