Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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