ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
