i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
