Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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