stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
