I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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