we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
