What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
