awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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