my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
