He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
