I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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