I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
