Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
