If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
