You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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