Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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