i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
