I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
