ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your topless pictures make me question reality
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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