I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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