winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
