She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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