I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
