It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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