Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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