when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
