There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
