Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
