I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
