i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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