He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
