i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
