so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
