I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize