some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's like iHOP with fire
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
