ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
