I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
