btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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