Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
