ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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