I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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