ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
