Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
