If i come over, it means nothing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
