Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
