I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
