I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
