matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
