I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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