I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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