I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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