my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this just has baby written all over it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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