In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize