Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
