Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
