Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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