I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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