Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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