You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize