Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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